Damn Good Strawberry Rhubarb Pie!

Alright… I’m going to start this by saying that 1) I suck at taking photos for this site, and 2) even though I can make a mean pie crust, I have issues pinching pie edges. Pie edge pinching is an art… I’m working on it, but flavor is an art too! I hope you’ll enjoy the flavors of this pie!

First, let’s get the pie crust out of the way. Here are some things to keep in mind when making pie crust:

1. You need to keep the butter cold. Why? keeping the water that is in butter from incorporating into the dough allows it to create steam that lifts the dough when baked thus creating tiny “pockets” of separation that give the crust it’s flaky-ness.
2. Use a food processor to incorporate the butter with the flour. the cold steel blades help keep the temperature down and work faster so you’re not heating-up the butter. Be careful though. the friction from the food processor can easily create too much heat if you over process it having the opposite effect.
3. Chill a large cutting board to roll the dough out on. I have a giant bamboo cutting board that I stick in the freezer for about an hour (usually while I’m making the dough) before I roll-out the the dough. Just trying to keep that fuckin’ butter cold!
4. Lastly… use unsalted butter. The reason is that you get to control the salty-ness this way.

Okay, now for the ingredients:

• 2 1/2 cups (325 grams) all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1 tablespoon sugar
• 1 cup of very cold unsalted butter, cut into 1/2-inch cubes (2 sticks)
• 4 to 8 tablespoons ice water

And here is how you makify the dough:

Add 1 1/2 cups flour, salt, and sugar to a food processor. Pulse 3 to 4 times until combined.

Thoss those fuckin’ cold butter cubes in to the food processor flour and and chop that shit up until a dough begins to form, about 15 seconds. (leave no uncoated flour) (“Thoss” is a portmanteau of “throw” and “toss” – just made that up because I wanted to leave the typo.)

Add remaining 1 cup of flour. Pulse 4 to 5 times until e’ryt’ing is evenly distributed. (Dough should look a little crumbly)

Transfer all THAT shit to a medium (metal – I use metal because it keeps things cold) bowl then sprinkle about 4 tablespoons of ice water over the crumbly dough (add more later if needed). Using a rubber spatula, gently fold the dough in on itself until the crumbs start to form larger clusters. If you pinch some of the dough and it holds together, it’s ready. If the dough falls apart, add more ice water (a tablespoon at a time) and continue to press until dough comes together.

Remove dough from bowl and place in a mound on that nice clean frozen cutting board of yours. Work that damn dough just enough to form a ball then cut that damn dough ball in half then form each half into discs. Wrap these bitches-up in plastic wrap and refrigerate at least 1 hour.

Alright… It’s fillin’ time!

Alright, shitty photo notwithstanding, here’s the list of ingredients:

• 2 1/2 Cups chopped fresh red rhubarb
• 2 1/2 Cups strawberries (de-stemmed and cut into larger pieces)
• 1 1/2 Cups sugar
• 1 tablespoon corn starch
• 1 tablespoon rice flour
• 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
• Zest from half a lemon
• 1 tablespoon Grande Marnier
• 1 tablespoon Cognac (VSOP)
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 3 tablespoons finely chopped fresh basil
• 4 tablespoons salted butter (cubed)

Alrighty then… with the exception of the butter, gently combine all that yumminess into a large mixing bowl. Let is sit for 5-10 minutes to give the liquor a chance to do it’s magic. Stir again (gently) and pour into one of those nice and cold pie crusts you rolled-out (on a chilled cutting board) and pressed into the cold butter-greased pie dish.

Distribute the cubed butter evenly over the filling when it is in the piecrust before you (more expertly I can do with my sausage fingers) seal it in with the other pie crust.

Sprinkle a smidge more flour over the top too!

Seal that shit up by pinching the edges together like a good little baker should… Cut a few vent holes in the top, then bake that fuckin’ thing at around 400° F for about 50-60 minutes. You may want to cover the edges with foil so they don’t burn to a crisp… but hey, whatever floats your boat.

Take out and let cool for at least an our or two on a wire rack to allow the filling to solidify a bit before serving. If you’re like me and don’t pinch your pie crusts well, you can at least taste the delicious pie filling that bubbled over! Enjoy!

Notice the network crimping tool in this pic… you can’t crimp RJ45 connectors without first having some really fucking good pie!